Should the past have any sort of bearing on a “new” relationship? Is the past an accurate reflection of someone’s true character? And if so, do we have the right to judge someone off of their past? Once a cheater always a cheater, etc. That’s for you to determine, but here is my honest opinion.
I believe the past, although not a definitive reflection, does indeed tell a lot about someones character. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I based some of my relationship decisions upon a womans past. Is that fair?! Not necessarily, but I feel as though it has the same meaning as the saying, “You are who you associate with.” That obviously doesn’t make it right, but am I going to choose the college graduate or the high school diploma?
If someones cheated before, what’s to say they won’t cheat again? If someones lied before, no matter the magnitude of this lie, what’s to say they won’t lie to you? If someones slept with a person “very easily,” for lack of better vernacular, what’s to say if you get in an argument they won’t do that to you? So they have all of these negative occurrences, strikes or whatever you want to call it against them and then they get to you and they’re supposed to be reformed, dipped in holy water, and ready to be perfect. I don’t forget about what they’ve done that easily, I file it for later reference.
When I’m picking the teams for my NCAA bracket, I typically gage the winner of the game based upon their record; losses vs. wins. Occasionally I’ll pick an “upset,” but they have to have one heck of a reason for me to roll with them when they haven’t proven themselves entirely. That’s kind of how this works. I’m going to give you a chance, maybe, but you’re on a short leash because of your past. I might not trust you like I should or the way you want me to, so you’ll have to earn and build that.
The problem comes into play when the man or woman expects you to completely forget their past as if it never existed. They want it to be as if they didn’t do, “this and that” when all of us have some type of past, good, bad or indifferent. The catch phrase is, “That was before you so it doesn’t matter.” Yes, it does. If I robbed a bank before I met you, wouldn’t you want to know. It matters very much so. I’m all for allowing someone to have a clean slate yet the past has much relevance when it comes down to it. It doesn’t mean I won’t give you a chance but it does mean that I’ll be taking everything in and analyzing your moves, decisions and actions. I think if we consider history but not focus on it we can save ourselves a lot of wasted relationships. It allows us to make better choices in partners. It allows us to find people who are like us, not masquerading to be. If you don’t want your past to ruin or invade your future, be careful what you do, whom with, and consider the repercussions down the line. Just something to think about.