Should the past have any sort of bearing on a “new” relationship? Is the past an accurate reflection of someone’s true character? And if so, do we have the right to judge someone off of their past? Once a cheater always a cheater, etc. That’s for you to determine, but here is my honest opinion.
I believe the past, although not a definitive reflection, does indeed tell a lot about someones character. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I based some of my relationship decisions upon a womans past. Is that fair?! Not necessarily, but I feel as though it has the same meaning as the saying, “You are who you associate with.” That obviously doesn’t make it right, but am I going to choose the college graduate or the high school diploma?
If someones cheated before, what’s to say they won’t cheat again? If someones lied before, no matter the magnitude of this lie, what’s to say they won’t lie to you? If someones slept with a person “very easily,” for lack of better vernacular, what’s to say if you get in an argument they won’t do that to you? So they have all of these negative occurrences, strikes or whatever you want to call it against them and then they get to you and they’re supposed to be reformed, dipped in holy water, and ready to be perfect. I don’t forget about what they’ve done that easily, I file it for later reference.
When I’m picking the teams for my NCAA bracket, I typically gage the winner of the game based upon their record; losses vs. wins. Occasionally I’ll pick an “upset,” but they have to have one heck of a reason for me to roll with them when they haven’t proven themselves entirely. That’s kind of how this works. I’m going to give you a chance, maybe, but you’re on a short leash because of your past. I might not trust you like I should or the way you want me to, so you’ll have to earn and build that.
The problem comes into play when the man or woman expects you to completely forget their past as if it never existed. They want it to be as if they didn’t do, “this and that” when all of us have some type of past, good, bad or indifferent. The catch phrase is, “That was before you so it doesn’t matter.” Yes, it does. If I robbed a bank before I met you, wouldn’t you want to know. It matters very much so. I’m all for allowing someone to have a clean slate yet the past has much relevance when it comes down to it. It doesn’t mean I won’t give you a chance but it does mean that I’ll be taking everything in and analyzing your moves, decisions and actions. I think if we consider history but not focus on it we can save ourselves a lot of wasted relationships. It allows us to make better choices in partners. It allows us to find people who are like us, not masquerading to be. If you don’t want your past to ruin or invade your future, be careful what you do, whom with, and consider the repercussions down the line. Just something to think about.
6 thoughts on “How Long Will The Past Be Our Present? By Aaron Curry”
one can never 4get but they can 4give
I think so many things factor into this. A person’s character and what type of life experiences they have been through. Let’s say there was wrong doing…how often did this person continue to make these mistakes? I feel that everyone has made mistakes but the key is whether they have learned from those mistakes. Or – they may not even be viewed as a mistake to that person…
I agree with you – the past is a good clue to whether there is a future. Employers don’t want to see a 20 page resume, why would one consider anything less in a partner?
Your facebook posts are very thought provoking and inspirational. I’m so glad I hit accept. 🙂
I agree with Juliana. I’ve tired in the past not to let someone’s past history affect what I think about them and wonder if what they did could come back and be done to me. Well, giving the benefit of the doubt that he would was wrong. He did the same thing to me. I tried not to be judgmental and look where it got me. Robbed and taken advantage of. The message is good Aaron.
I hate to admit that the post is true. We are all guilty of it but knowing a persons past can protect us from future harm. This is a good story. Keep sharing Aaron.
I agree with the fact that we can’t completely forget the past. Of course we’d all like that to be the case but what if the other person committed a crime, it would be difficult to out of ignorance let it stay in the past. I mean although we might be trying, certain things have a way of reminding us to be careful and cautious. And if someone cheated like you said, more than likely statistics show they’ll do it again. Its admirable to try and make a relationship work but we still have to remember past behaviors. It doesn’t mean people can change but in certain situations they don’t. Good article Aaron.
Wow! Aaron you couldn’t have said that any better. It’s funny to be reading this because this is a conversation that I had w/my kids…well he still my husband last night. And this has been the big issue of our relationship (me letting the past define who we are today). I will say that I do believe your past has a way of defining you as a person, whether we like to admit it or not. Looking at my husbands past I know and understand (to a certain degree) why he makes the decisions he makes or handles things the way he does; and the same goes for me…I am a walking poster board for letting my past define me as the person I am today (can’t believe I just admitted that LoL). But through my husband I have learned that it’s ok to remember the past and what someone has done/did, but not to let it define who we are or let it consume us to point were we block our blessings. It took me a long time to realize that what happened in the past is the past (it will always be a part of me, but doesn’t mean it exist that way today). People change and evolve and if YOU do decided to take that chance w/someone knowing their past then you need to allow yourself to do it w/an open mind; not sit there waiting for that person to mess because you “think” you already know. I know that is easier said than done (believe me LoL), but if it’s something you truly feel you wont, then it’s needs to be giving a chance w/out judgment or high expectations. Baby steps…one day at a time 🙂
Thank you for this post. I love reading you and your families thoughts. You guys are very insightful and inspirational. May GOD continue to bless you in everything that you do. Have a great day!!!