The Effects Cheating Has On Children

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We’re all human and our life will be riddled with mistakes regardless of how big or small they are. The problem is when you’re making choices that can have negative consequences for your children. Infidelity is one of those choices. Most people cheat because they feel neglected in the relationship. Others simply want revenge. Some cheat because the ability to do so is available, providing a thrill. It’s your life and a decision you have to live with, but when you have children involved, think before you indulge in a deceptive game that can devastate them along with the person you’re no longer considerate of. When you intentionally hurt someone your behavior is self-destructive as well, because your morals and values are compromised. You’ve crossed boundaries that should never be crossed that way.

Cheating is a selfish and cowardly act of not considering anyone or anything except your own greed, need, and sexual desires. It’s an immoral way to accomplish something. Consider it stealing or taking something that doesn’t belong to you. Perhaps you’ve been hurt and you want to pay the other person back, or the relationship is no longer what you want. The lack of compassion or respect for the other person is bad enough, but the affects that will carry over to your children, whether you see them or not, is another, which can cause the most damage.

It’s easier and selfish to think that your children will forget about the disruption and sometimes devastation to their life or that it won’t affect them if they don’t know. The fact of the matter is, they will remember and if they didn’t know at the onset, sooner or later they will find out. It may come out in forms you may never care to associate with your actions. You may never realize the destruction to their life or if you do it may be when it’s too late. Parents repeat the same loving words, they would do anything for their children, and then they cheat without considering any of the ramifications. When you destroy a relationship, take more than a fleeting moment to consider everyone in that relationship. If you aren’t happy, get out of the relationship with your dignity intact and move on respectfully. Consider the emotional aftermath your children will suffer although they may not say a single word to you about it. Look at the statistics of young adults in therapy because a parent cheated. Now, consider those that aren’t in therapy and have to emotionally find their own way around your actions. That selfish act can damage your children for life. Is it worth taking that risk? The damage may follow them into their adulthood in many identifiable forms you may not care to take responsibility for. Your children begin to learn their value by what you show them. Teach them that they matter to you by doing things the right way. Cheating is an easy way to succumb to self-pity and self-indulgence, but if you have any ounce of love for your children, consider the affect it will have on them first. That emotional damage can lead to other emotional problems and issues that can have permanent or long-term effects. Teach them how to love instead of how to betray someone. Let them see you hold your head up with courage and respect and talk about the problems before it gets out of hand. It doesn’t mean you can’t end the relationship, it means you can’t be selfish enough to worry about your own needs instead of those of your children.I love you is easy to say but I love myself more is what you’re telling your children when you cheat.

Don’t let your children become an uncalculated casualty of your desire to put yourself first. There is more to the action of infidelity than the act itself. If the other person is aware that he or she is breaking up a relationship and doesn’t care, they can’t possibly love you the way you deserve because they are forgetting about your children. There are other ways to get what you want that won’t take causalities or strip you of your self-esteem and morals. Consider others when they are part of the package. Cheaters typically repeat and you may end up in a relationship with Karma.

How Long Will The Past Be Our Present? By Aaron Curry

Should the past have any sort of bearing on a “new” relationship? Is the past an accurate reflection of someone’s true character? And if so, do we have the right to judge someone off of their past? Once a cheater always a cheater, etc. That’s for you to determine, but here is my honest opinion.

I believe the past, although not a definitive reflection, does indeed tell a lot about someones character. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I based some of my relationship decisions upon a womans past. Is that fair?! Not necessarily, but I feel as though it has the same meaning as the saying, “You are who you associate with.” That obviously doesn’t make it right, but am I going to choose the college graduate or the high school diploma?

If someones cheated before, what’s to say they won’t cheat again? If someones lied before, no matter the magnitude of this lie, what’s to say they won’t lie to you? If someones slept with a person “very easily,” for lack of better vernacular, what’s to say if you get in an argument they won’t do that to you? So they have all of these negative occurrences, strikes or whatever you want to call it against them and then they get to you and they’re supposed to be reformed, dipped in holy water, and ready to be perfect. I don’t forget about what they’ve done that easily, I file it for later reference.

When I’m picking the teams for my NCAA bracket, I typically gage the winner of the game based upon their record; losses vs. wins. Occasionally I’ll pick an “upset,” but they have to have one heck of a reason for me to roll with them when they haven’t proven themselves entirely. That’s kind of how this works. I’m going to give you a chance, maybe, but you’re on a short leash because of your past. I might not trust you like I should or the way you want me to, so you’ll have to earn and build that.

The problem comes into play when the man or woman expects you to completely forget their past as if it never existed. They want it to be as if they didn’t do, “this and that” when all of us have some type of past, good, bad or indifferent. The catch phrase is, “That was before you so it doesn’t matter.” Yes, it does. If I robbed a bank before I met you, wouldn’t you want to know. It matters very much so. I’m all for allowing someone to have a clean slate yet the past has much relevance when it comes down to it. It doesn’t mean I won’t give you a chance but it does mean that I’ll be taking everything in and analyzing your moves, decisions and actions. I think if we consider history but not focus on it we can save ourselves a lot of wasted relationships. It allows us to make better choices in partners. It allows us to find people who are like us, not masquerading to be. If you don’t want your past to ruin or invade your future, be careful what you do, whom with, and consider the repercussions down the line. Just something to think about.

AC